Which Kind of Therapy Is Right for You?

Maybe you've turned the idea of seeing a therapist over in your mind more than once. What would you actually want out of it? What's holding you back? If the thought has crossed your mind at all, that's usually a sign the thought is worth following. The trouble is the stigma that still clings to the whole thing, plus the quiet worry that whatever you're dealing with isn't "serious enough" to count. Before you wave the idea away, it helps to understand what therapy actually involves and what it can do. And it's genuinely meant for anyone, not a select few.

Psychotherapy, to use the fuller term, comes in a lot of shapes and sets out to help with a wide range of problems. A few things define it: it rests on scientific research; only licensed professionals, bound by confidentiality and expected to stay unbiased, are allowed to practice it; its aim is to help people build healthier, more productive habits; and it spans many disciplines and subspecialties, which means the approach can be tailored to the person in the chair.

In a session, a psychologist assesses, tracks, and treats a range of symptoms, with the goal of handing clients the tools to work through their own problems and make choices that lead somewhere better. Stuck on a hard decision, or just need a fresh angle on it? That's something a psychologist can work with. Struggling through a divorce, a layoff, or the death of someone close? Same. Carrying around a low mood that won't lift, or anger, stress, or anxiety that keeps flaring? A psychologist can help there too. And although the training is in mental health, these professionals also understand how your emotional and physical states feed into each other, in both directions.

The rough rule for when to go: when something you're carrying is keeping you from becoming who you could be. That holds whether the issue is as mild as a stubborn problem with focus or motivation, or as severe as suffering that swallows your whole day. People tend to assume their rough patch is temporary, that they'll claw their way out of the fog on their own. But a problem can harden into a chronic one faster than you'd expect. Chronic problems block personal growth, and without that growth, the problems themselves tend to stay put.

If emotional trouble is getting in the way of your development and it drags on for full days over a long stretch, that's a cue to get professional help. What does that trouble tend to look like? An inability to repair or build relationships because you can't let a grievance go. Getting frustrated or angry fast, often over small things. A steady sadness, a sense of hopelessness, a poor opinion of yourself. Anxiety that overwhelms you and stress that arrives easily. A habit of being critical and negative. Jealousy and bitterness that won't quit. Being weighed down by guilt, which is really a failure to forgive yourself. Feeling offended by people constantly, or blaming them for how you feel.

The very first move is deciding to go. The idea may have rattled around your head for a while, held back by fear, by self-doubt, by a refusal to admit the problem is real. All of that has to be pushed through. Actually showing up for therapy is an accomplishment in its own right. Recognizing you need help and going after it is already a form of growth. Still, without a professional's input, it's hard to get the perspective you need to map out your own healing.

Step one is finding a psychologist. Look for someone credible, well trained, and accountable. Psychologists operate under ethical codes, and their methods come out of scientific evidence. Because each one tends to have a specialty, you want someone whose work fits what you're dealing with. Ask friends and family who they'd recommend, ask your doctor, call psychology departments at local universities or community health services, or check the websites of your state psychological association. As you compare options, be clear on your own intentions: individual therapy or group? Will you use insurance, and what's the out-of-pocket cost? Where is the office, and which days are they open? As with any doctor, confirm they work in the area you need, that they take your insurance, and that they're taking new patients.

Step two is making the appointment. Once the logistics of payment, scheduling, and specialty are sorted, pick up the phone and book it. Plan around the fact that you can't predict how you'll feel afterward and that the day should belong to your recovery. Take enough time off work (you may not feel like going back in after the session), get someone to watch your kids, and keep later commitments from crowding the appointment. Clearing your schedule helps clear your head.

Step three is coming prepared. You're not the expert in the room, so you don't need every answer, but you can help your therapist by bringing a list of what you'd like to cover. Goals, feelings, anything that feels relevant: putting it on the table gives the psychologist a sense of how to proceed. It's possible they'll suggest someone else instead. That isn't a brush-off. It's a professional courtesy and a sign they want the right fit for you.

Step four is staying with it. A few sessions won't leave you "fixed." Feeling better doesn't mean you've reached your goals. You're finished when you and your therapist agree you're handling the larger problem well, not before. Therapy is about assembling tools to cope. Some problems never fully disappear, but you learn to manage them better.

One of the most valuable things you can do is build a support system outside the therapy room. Tell your spouse, your parents, your friends, the people you trust, that you're in therapy and could use their backing. Not everyone will feel comfortable sharing this, and that's fine, but the more you do share it, the less it feels like a secret you're guarding, and that itself is a relief. People with strong support around them tend to make striking progress toward healing and a happier life. You're not alone in this, you're looking after yourself, and you're going to be all right.

Melissa Lavery, M.S.

References: Understanding psychotherapy and how it works. (2015). American Psychological Association. Watt, P. (2014, November 5). 8 Emotional Patterns That Can Disturb Our Inner Peace, Expanded Consciousness.