Whatever Happened to Being a Lady?

Somewhere along the way, the appreciation men used to have for classy, sophisticated women seems to have faded. There was a time when a woman didn't have to fight for attention against those with no refinement at all. Now dating feels like a brutal game. Men will tell you they want someone smart, elegant, put together. I've started to suspect many of them can't actually tell the difference between a woman with class and one without it.

Social media makes the whole thing worse. It rewards women who carry themselves carelessly and lifts them up as something to admire. So where does that leave the respectable ones? Are we supposed to just wish the whole thing worked differently? I don't expect it to turn around soon. There are more single women now than married ones, and it feels like the standard keeps dropping, with the playing field tilted the wrong way.

When the men around you keep making the choices they make, you start to feel pressure to lower your own standards. Worse than that, you begin to wonder whether everything you built, everything your family and the people who guided you poured into you, amounted to nothing. The public has been handed a warped picture of what a classy woman even is.

About three weeks ago I was sitting in a salon, half-listening to two women and a man go back and forth about dating and relationships. After a long stretch of talking they landed on the usual conclusion: there just aren't enough good men out there. Half true, I'd say. What's really missing are men who can tell a woman of substance apart from one who has none. And that conclusion leaves you with an uncomfortable question. Why bother being the good girl at all?

Women outnumber men two to one, so the competition is steeper than it should be. And yet somehow everybody seems to be paired off with someone. I feel that frustration too. I catch myself asking what the point of carrying yourself with dignity is when every scroll through a feed shows women in barely anything. Why stay independent, why protect your name?

My pastor said something in a sermon once that stuck with me. Women shouldn't fret or lose heart, he said. Your season is coming. How long is the wait, though? Don't worry about that part. The point is this: while you wait, don't trade away who you are. The first instinct, when some woman with no class seems to shove you aside, is to change your personality and bend your standards. That's exactly the wrong move. If life has taught me anything, it's to hold the line on what you believe and refuse to budge. Grow a thick skin. Never let the other woman catch you sweating.

When doubt creeps in and I start questioning my worth and what I've done, leaning into my faith pulls me back. Men make terrible mistakes. The thing that glitters on the surface looks good at first glance. You have to remember that men have their dim moments. Some of them eventually see what they did. Stay the bigger woman through all of it.

You may hate that you're being measured against women who fall so far short of you, but you still have to contend with them. We're emotional creatures. We react like children when we spot the man we want spending time with the rival. Pull yourself together and read the situation clearly. There may be nothing there at all. The other woman will try to make it look like there is.

If you're truly a lady, she isn't your problem. You're nearer the finish line than you realize. Maybe you have to start the race over, but you'll still be ahead of where she is. She's the one playing catch up. Carry yourself as though his decision doesn't touch you. Confidence decides these things.

Don't fall apart when you lose a round. Nobody wins every time; that's just how it goes. If he never wakes up to his mistake, don't read it as defeat. Count the loss as a gift. The man you were sure about turned out to be a wolf dressed up as a sheep. Patience matters here. Some men take far longer than others to understand what they threw away.

A sharp woman watches. Pay attention to the kind of company a man keeps. If he's forever surrounded by women with no standards, that tells you what he is, and you don't want him. You can put fine clothes on a filthy, foul-smelling pig, but it's still a filthy, foul-smelling pig underneath. What do you think?

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