Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You

You are only as good as the person you believe yourself to be, and you have every right to be that person regardless of anyone else's opinion. Plenty of people spend their days afraid of how they come across to others. I lived that way for years, and the cost was that I never got to know who I actually was.

A few months back I sat with two questions: who did I want to be, and who was I right then? The gap bothered me. I had been running my life around what other people wanted, and I wasn't happy with any of it. That disappointment pulled me into a stretch of depression. Talking with a counselor helped me land somewhere calmer, on the simple idea that I was allowed to be myself, whatever that turned out to mean.

Changes were coming, but I needed direction and I needed confidence, and confidence was another thing I was short on at the time. So I started small. If you've spent too long anxious about other people's opinions, you'll have to start somewhere too. A few things worked for me, and I figure passing them along might do some good.

First, put more weight on your own opinion of yourself than on anyone else's. When you build your life around what others expect, you lose sight of the real you and end up seeing yourself through their eyes. That's a thin way to live, and you deserve better than it. You deserve to be your own particular self and to feel good about it.

Next, get clear on your goals. People who have spent years in someone else's shadow usually haven't hit many goals that were truly theirs. Whatever they did accomplish was often what others wanted for them. That was me, and all it produced was a pile of quiet resentment. These days I set goals I actually care about. I want to get the word out about the book I wrote. I want to keep writing about the subjects that matter to me. There are others on the list. So what are yours?

Figure out what you enjoy doing. I had packed my schedule with things other people liked, bonfires and the rest, and never worked out what my own hobbies were. Turns out I like going for walks, playing card games, shopping, making art, and writing song lyrics, among other things. Bringing those into my days showed me I could actually enjoy life on my own terms. If you don't know yet what yours are, just try a few things and see what sticks.

Don't be afraid to be who you are. Once you've started mapping out your goals, your hobbies, and the rest of it, give yourself some credit. You get to care more about the person you want to become than about the version of you living in other people's heads. And keep this in mind: nobody can accept the real you if you never let them see it. Show your true colors.

You can be the real you and be happy there. You've got a lot in you, and living fully means being that genuine self. Quit spending so much worry on how you look to everyone else and go after the person you actually want to be. - Cara