How to Stop Feeling Self-Conscious

Do you actually know what sets off your self-consciousness? For some people it's appearance. For others it's a sense of not being smart enough, or not having the right status or enough money. Before anything changes, you have to trace the feeling back to its source and ask why outside opinions carry so much weight with you in the first place. What follows is a set of ways to loosen that grip and feel more like yourself again.

Begin by naming it. Is it an accent, a feature you dislike, a disability, an eye twitch? Write down every single thing that makes you feel exposed, and next to each one jot a small action you could take to ease it. Then ask a second question: who exactly are you trying to satisfy, and why? Whose expectations are sitting on your shoulders?

Notice where the feeling shows up. Is it in front of a partner or someone you have a crush on? Are you measuring yourself against magazine models who were airbrushed into existence? (They genuinely were.) Do you somehow believe everyone else is flawless? And are you spending time with people whose energy drags you down, the sort who make confidence almost impossible because negativity follows them around? Whatever the answer, sit with one plain fact: your insecurities have never once improved your life.

There's a reality worth facing here. If you're waiting for a flawless world, or picturing yourself as the one broken thing in it, you're chasing something that only exists in fairy tales. Spend five minutes online looking at the people considered most perfect and count their flaws. Bad hair days, breakouts, acne, poor decisions. All of it, everyone.

Confident people have simply stopped fighting their uneven skin, their mistakes, their disabilities, their odd little habits. They accept those things, sometimes even like them, and they refuse to hand anyone else the power to turn them into a weakness. Confidence isn't something you're born holding. It's a skill, and skills get learned.

Watch how you talk to yourself. Would you aim those words at your best friend? If not, don't aim them at yourself. Become your own ally instead. Try acting as though you have nothing to worry about, because the pretending has a way of becoming real. Remember that sadness or happiness is a choice you make: words don't wound you, your reaction to them does, and that reaction is yours to steer. Walk into rooms assuming you look and feel fine. And when you catch yourself stacking yourself up against someone else and coming out short, stop and name it. Tell yourself you need a kinder way to think.

Accept that you are you. Your personality, your sense of humor, your face, your mistakes. If your humor runs crude and you enjoy it, the people who don't enjoy it aren't your problem. Change only what you truly want to change for your own reasons. Own your interests and your actions, the flattering ones and the embarrassing ones alike. If you deal with anxiety, admit it exists and then work on it rather than pretending it isn't there.

Redirect your attention when a wave hits. Find an object, any object, and study it. A bug crawling across the floor will do. What color is it? How many legs? Count them. Give your mind something small and concrete to chew on until the moment passes.

Push into the discomfort too. When anxiety rises, do something that makes you feel alive and capable. Those jittery, trapped feelings are usually built on irrational fears, and one way to break them is to act on something scary or slightly ridiculous the instant they appear. Dance in front of everyone. Drop and do a push-up. Ask yourself which you care about more: other people's opinions or your own peace of mind.

Make fun of yourself. It's a quick, disarming way to signal that you know you're not perfect and you're fine with it. Laugh at your own clumsiness, crack the joke before anyone else can. And when a trigger does surface, just observe it. Notice whether you're watching the feeling or living inside it, and refuse to let it pull you under.

The deeper work happens inside. Trade the worrying for a clear sense of your own worth, built from what you've achieved, what you're aiming for, and how far you've come. Write your goals and milestones down so you have something to move toward. Let people see your progress; the supportive ones will cheer it on and that momentum keeps you going. Keep it away from anyone who won't.

Be honest with yourself and change from the inside out. You're allowed to become your best version of you. However others see you, accept yourself and stop running their imagined judgments on a loop. Keep positive, supportive people close. Nobody else is living this life. It's yours. -Erin