Spiritual Methods to Finding Answers

Let me be plain with you. There have been more nights than I can count where I cried myself to sleep out of sheer loneliness. I felt hollowed out. Life kept throwing one thing after another at me, barely leaving room to breathe. My emotions swamped me. Circumstances kept winning. Each morning I somehow pulled myself upright and wore a steady face for the world, but the effort was enormous. It wore me down.

During one of those stretches, someone handed me a book called "God Calling". The introduction explained that it had been written by two women in England who chose to stay anonymous. They too had been through a brutal season, and they described finding their comfort in God. While praying one day, they noticed answers coming back to them. So they started writing those answers down each morning, drawing strength and reassurance from what felt like messages from somewhere beyond.

I want to be clear that I am not a Christian. I had no idea whether a God existed at all, though a part of me badly wanted one to. Nothing I had tried, and no one, including myself, had managed to drag me out of the pit I was in. So maybe this God, whoever or whatever that might be, could. I figured it was worth an attempt.

One evening I put on some gentle, spiritual music, settled down with a pen in my hand, and waited for inspiration to come flooding down from heaven onto the page. Nothing arrived. I would start a sentence, then cross it out, because I could tell I was only inventing it myself. Maybe God had no interest in me. I tried again a few more times and ended up irritated. It took everything in me not to scrawl angrily across the whole page. Why would God not say a word to me? Perhaps there really was nothing there. I shelved the book and went back to the old routine of crying myself to sleep.

But that particular night, something shifted in my thinking. What if, instead of waiting to receive, I simply spoke first to God, or to whatever was actually out there? So I let it all go. I wept and poured my grief into the Universe. Every single thing weighing on me came out. I complained, I raged, I grieved, I emptied my whole heart toward a God I still had no proof of. It felt like it would never end.

Then it came. A single thought struck me like lightning: get your notebook. The moment my pen touched the paper it would not stop moving. There was no time to arrange words or even think. It was as though a dam had broken and the sentences simply poured out through the pen. I was still crying, barely able to see through my own tears, but before long I was laughing, light, almost giddy. I had no doubt those words were not coming from me alone.

In the days and weeks that followed, whenever the weight became unbearable, I no longer collapsed into hopelessness. Some nights I cried, some nights I did not, but either way I would lay out my pen and paper and talk to whoever was listening. What follows is only a small sample of what I ended up writing:

You know Me. In the quiet of your heart, in its love, in its joy, you know Me. You are free to turn away, but you cannot pretend you never knew, because every single day of your life I am calling to you. The ache you carry is the ache of My absence. You are tempted to blame it on other things, yet understand that all pain is simply the lack of Me. Welcome Me into every thought and you will know a love and joy with no end.

I AM the Light of the world. So anyone who follows Me, anyone who loves Me, must also become that Light, a clear reflection of it. To kneel in humility before the Throne is to receive authority over the Earth through the power of Love. I did not make the Earth for cruel hands to rule with confidence. Love is the strongest force there is, because every person alive is looking for it. Become what the human heart is searching for and you will rise above every limit.

Love is the true law. Do not get tangled up in religious rules and doctrine. Religion is a stepping stone, a way to train the will through discipline and to rein in the wild, destructive force inside. Once your will is set on pleasing Me, you have moved past the schooling of religion and into real Sonship. You have given yourself away completely, and now you will find yourself again in glory, in strength, in divine power.

You are not alone. Lay My footsteps into your heart with prayer, so I can enter and live there with you in love and joy without end. Do not weigh yourself down with the future. Do only what today requires, and do it as well as you possibly can.

Do not be afraid. Even if you find yourself burning in the lowest pit of hell, keep calling My Name and I will be right beside you. It may take all the strength you have left just to reach your hand up toward Me, but let that be your highest aim, your single aim. I will pull you out, because you are My beloved child.

Have no fear. Stop fixing your eyes on your faults. Turn instead toward your Christly centre, your holiness. Rejoice in it, give thanks for it and from within it, draw everything into it, feed it, protect it, watch over it, and see it grow. Do not stare at your sin. At this point your awareness still sits in relative darkness, so it cannot simply throw off its own sin. Darkness has no power to drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Let the light within you reach toward Me, the Great Light, the source of all light, until it rises higher and higher inside you, until your whole body fills with it and it pours out through your eyes, your words, everything about you. That is where the real power lives.

Those writings carried me up out of the deepest depression I have ever known, all the way to discovering why I am here and how to build a decent life. This kind of writing can work real changes in us if we are willing to open up to it. My only wish is that it helps you as much as it helped me.

- Iman Mohiki