Say Hello to Positive Thinking

Is your head always crowded with negative thoughts? Do they leave you anxious or on edge? When something goes wrong, do you struggle to find anything good in it at all? If any of that sounds familiar, you may be carrying around a lot of worry, fear, and stress. And that strain does not stay in one place. It leaks into your relationships, your work, your home, the way you move through your social life.

I lived like that for roughly 14 years, with constant worrying and an anxiety disorder that I could not get a handle on. There were plenty of panic attacks. I spent my days fretting over things I had no power to change, and then, strangely, I worried so much about the things I could change that I never actually changed them. I know what it feels like to take a step and feel like you get knocked back for it every time. About a month ago I finally admitted my life could not keep running on that track, so I decided to say hello to positive thinking instead. It can be done. I am not all the way there yet; some days I still worry too much. But the good days outnumber the bad ones now, and that is new.

So how do you actually bring more positive thinking into your life? I had years of watching things slide, unable to manage much of anything because of the thoughts running through my head. The root of it, and this is true for a lot of people living with anxiety or depression, was that I believed those thoughts were real. They felt like facts.

Something recently turned that around for me. My anxiety landed me in the hospital for six days, and that stay changed how I saw everything. I walked in still full of negative thoughts, convinced there was no way a hospital could help someone like me because I wasn't "crazy." That was exactly the point. They did not think I was crazy at all. People dealing with anxiety or depression are not crazy. They simply believe the thoughts in their heads. And once you see that, you can start working on it.

The first move is to challenge your negative thoughts, every single day. The long-term goal is to question every thought, but do not expect that right away. At the start, just catch what you can. When I first heard this advice I did not buy it. After a couple of days I was still doubtful. By the end of the first week I could challenge maybe half of my thoughts. A month in, I challenge almost all of them. The method is straightforward: notice the thought, ask whether there is any actual fact behind it (usually there isn't), then flip it into something positive.

Here is an example from my own life. I used to think I didn't deserve the relationship I was in. When I stopped and examined it, there was no fact underneath, only the thought itself. So I reshaped it: I am putting work into this relationship, and that work is proof I deserve it.

Try bookending your day with a positive affirmation, and keep reminding yourself that you are in control. If you are building new habits, you will probably put together some kind of daily schedule. Make a morning affirmation part of it. I'll challenge you to do this for one month in front of the mirror; if you skip a day, just start again the next. Something like "I am a wonderful person" or "I deserve to be happy." Starting the day that way can shift the whole tone of it. Close the day out too, maybe with "I did my best today." Affirmations like these build self-confidence, and the more confidence you have, the more positive thinking follows.

One more thing. Every day, at least three times, tell yourself that you are in control.