Positive Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

Picture a glass filled to the midpoint. Do you call it half-full or half-empty? The answer might tell you something about how you feel about yourself. The soap company Dove reported in 2015 that just 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful. Around the same time, The Attitude Specialist (2015) noted that roughly 95% of children and adults will deal with low self-esteem at some stage of their lives.

Self-esteem and happiness are tied together. When your opinion of yourself sits low, there's usually some part of your life leaving you unsatisfied. The root might be abuse in childhood. It might be a damaging relationship. Whatever the cause, the effect lingers, and it tends to keep lingering until you get support from a mental health professional: a psychologist, counselor, therapist, clinical social worker, or psychiatrist. The hopeful part is that a low opinion of yourself can be turned around, and the ideas below are a starting point.

At the heart of it, raising your self-esteem comes down to holding a positive attitude and building genuine self-love. Positive self-talk matters here. Dictionary.com (2015) defines self-talk as the mental act of speaking to yourself, whether out loud or in your head. The positive version means deliberately shifting what you say to yourself toward something kinder. Accept who you already are, and quit beating yourself up every time you slip.

Start with your attitude. Sounds simple, but feeling better about yourself often requires a healthier outlook, aimed both inward and at the people around you. Stop trying to be someone you're not. People who carry high self-esteem usually love themselves, odd habits and flaws included. They see the quirks that set them apart as something worth having. Next time you feel yourself sinking, go to the mirror, smile, and say, 'I love you just the way you are.' Say it daily. Say it several times a day if that's what it takes to actually feel it.

And smile more. Even on days it hurts to. People gravitate toward others who carry a positive energy, and a plain smile can shift your mood along with someone else's. When a person smiles at you, it lifts you in seconds. Rather than dwelling on what's wrong with your life or what you dislike about yourself, redirect toward the good. If your instinct is to scold yourself over a few extra pounds, catch that thought and swap it for your strengths: your appearance, your intelligence, the sports or hobbies you're good at, the things that come easily to you. What do friends and relatives always say is your best quality? Sit with those answers.

Another route is the company you keep. Supportive friends and family have a knack for making you feel smart, attractive, and capable. They're good at helping you feel good. They matter not only because they love you but because they can help you untangle whatever is dragging your self-worth down, and their advice is usually honest even when it stings. Choose your confidants with care, though. Not everyone is a friend, and not every relative deserves your trust. Some people seem encouraging early on and slowly turn sour, pulling your self-esteem down instead of lifting it.

Get to know yourself better. Ask what you actually believe, what you value, what you need and want, what your habits are (the good ones and the bad), what sets your teeth on edge. Who do you want to become? Which parts of your personality are solid and which need work? How satisfied are you, really? The more clearly you can answer, the higher your sense of self tends to climb.

There's also paying it forward, which is simply kindness toward others. Do nice things with no expectation of getting anything back: cover someone's meal, help a person who's struggling, compliment what someone's wearing or what they've pulled off. Knowing you brightened a stranger's day or helped someone who needed it is one of the better feelings there is, and every time you do it you're quietly building your own confidence.

Give up on being perfect. You aren't, and you never will be, because you're human and humans make mistakes. The only real option is to be the best version of you that you can manage. Don't tear into yourself for failing a test, missing top grades, or not landing the dream job or the dream partner. As long as you keep showing up as your best self, your self-esteem stays healthy.

Stop measuring yourself against other people, too. The grass looks greener across the fence, but it rarely is. A life that looks flawless from the outside hides things you'll never see. The person you envy might be miserable. They might even want your life instead. Perfection is mostly a trick of the light, and the moment you accept that, your view of yourself tends to rise fast.

Keep your attention on what's good about you rather than the flaws and the stumbles. You carry plenty of positive traits; the work is in recognizing and accepting them. Maybe you're not the thinnest person in the room, but you're a loyal, dependable, loving friend. Maybe you don't hold a Ph.D., but you've got enough common sense and street smarts to get yourself out of a tight spot.

Here's the plain version: you are a worthy person, with qualities that make you who you are, and you deserve love, respect, and support. Anyone who tells you you're useless or helpless is lying to you, so don't take it in. Lean into your quirks. Flip the negatives over. Never talk yourself down to nothing. Your life counts. You count.

The next time you start doubting your worth, remember you aren't on your own. Someone cares, even if you haven't met them yet, whether that's a friend, a relative, a higher power, a mental health professional, an advocate, a church member, or a stranger. Sometimes knowing that is enough to turn the day. Quit the self-bashing. Give yourself the encouragement and the hug you've been needing. And forgive yourself when you mess up, because a mistake isn't who you are.

If low self-esteem is weighing on you, join a support group or build one of your own out of the people you love and trust. Go to them when the doubts creep back in, and ask for help when a problem has you stuck. You might also ask the people you confide in whether they've been through low self-esteem themselves.