Overcome Shyness and Take Charge of Your Life

Nearly everyone goes through stretches of feeling shy, and that hesitation can quietly cost you. It keeps you from speaking up in a room where speaking up matters. It stops you from asking for help when you need it. Sometimes it means you never introduce yourself to a person who might have changed the direction of your life. The reassuring part is that shyness isn't a permanent setting. You can turn down the volume on it and grow into someone more open and forthcoming, so it stops standing between you and the good things on the other side.

Begin where it feels safe. Throwing yourself into the most intimidating situation possible on day one is a recipe for retreat. Instead, practice being more forward with the people you already know and trust: friends, people you work with, classmates. Think of it as a dress rehearsal. By the time you try the same behavior on strangers, it won't feel so borrowed or stiff. Focus on the small mechanics. Hold eye contact without overdoing it, ask questions, learn a clean way to introduce yourself and keep light conversation going. None of this takes long to pick up, and the people close to you can tell you plainly whether you're coming across as confident or not.

When there's something you've been avoiding because nerves keep getting in the way, run through what you want to say beforehand. A little preparation lowers the odds of things going sideways and leaves you steadier about your own words and actions. Ten or fifteen minutes is plenty. You can do it in the car, in the hallway, right before you walk in.

Carry a couple of openers with you. Having two or three easy ways to break the ice tucked away takes pressure off you, and it quietly rescues the other person who might be just as nervous. A compliment on what someone's wearing or a quick, low-stakes question is usually enough. Keep it shallow on purpose. Nothing personal or heavy, just something anyone in the conversation can run with.

Give yourself room to change slowly. You won't wake up tomorrow suddenly unshy because you decided to be. This is a gradual thing, built over time, and you should treat yourself accordingly. There will be awkward moments and missteps. Those aren't failures; they're information about yourself and about how the process is going for you.

Assertiveness is the part most people dread, and it's also where the real payoff lives. Being assertive means being upfront and clear with people, honest about what you want and how you plan to get there. It is not rudeness. There's a difference between stating your position plainly and steamrolling someone. Once you get comfortable with it, the effects spread. Your career tends to benefit, and so do your relationships, because you start showing up as an equal rather than someone waiting to be included.

Shyness isn't a light switch. If you're wired to be reserved, becoming more open is work you move through step by step, small enough that you never feel like you're faking a personality that isn't yours. There's no clock on it. Every move toward being more open counts in your favor over time, so don't hurry it. Take your time, and let yourself enjoy the version of you that's a little less shy than before.

Reference: http://www.mindpub.com/art030.htm