Office Politics: Practicing Honesty and Generosity

Cliques at work drag down how people perform and how they feel about themselves. Feeling inadequate about your abilities, though, is not the same thing as being depressed. Many psychologists hand out a broad definition of self-esteem or low self-esteem. Say you brush off your own accomplishments; a counselor will likely tell you that signals low self-esteem, and that low self-esteem can open the door to depression. But the one does not automatically equal the other.

My own view is that nearly everyone feels inadequate in some way at some point, and most of us hide it well. Those feelings are ordinary. Anyone who claims to have no insecurities at all is kidding themselves.

People with mild depression rarely go see a licensed professional. They tend to get by, medicated or not, often behind a mask. The trouble is that they carry a real risk of sliding into major depression, and a single setback can push someone toward a chronic low self-esteem that deepens into something worse. Keep in mind that plenty of people are skilled at putting on a good face and a mask of smiles. The ones who seem most emotionally steady have usually practiced that skill until it looks effortless.

I do it too. On a bad day, or when I am running on empty, I still show my good face. Most employers treat that as a desirable trait, and the reasoning is simple: they assume a positive mask means you can keep working under pressure. My suspicion is that the mask cracks eventually.

So could generosity give you something better than an empty smile to hide behind? In her article Is Generosity the Key to Reducing Stress?, the writer leans on a scientific case study and concludes that very generous people carry less stress. Transplant that idea into an office and you have to wonder whether the same result holds. Could genuine generosity inside an office clique actually lift job performance? The starting move is to trade that hollow mask for real generosity and a sincere willingness to work as part of a team.

The fastest way to poison office morale is a clique of frightened people who paper over a poor self-image by cutting others down, propping up their own confidence so they can sleep at night believing they are on top. Small offices breed this most. Walk into a new job and remember you are the newcomer, and somewhere there is a queen bee who will do whatever it takes to hold her position.

Here is how those cliques work on performance and self-esteem. Members size up new hires from a distance, especially the ones who see themselves as the organization's elite. Their first look tends to run cold, a kind of signal that they own the territory. Picture a group of primates in suits who first need to work out whether you threaten their social order. Most people in any workforce do just enough to collect a paycheck, so anyone who performs above average can read as a danger to their jobs.

Then comes the hazing. A clique may lean on intimidation: leaving you out of conversations and office parties, maybe tossing passive-aggressive remarks at how you look or what you have done with your life. As a black minority I have run into plenty of these tactics, and I have trained myself not to let them bleed into my work. The one I meet most often is a cluster of people trying to make you look incompetent in front of your peers. They may be doing it on purpose, but more likely it runs on autopilot, a reflex to guard their turf against an intruder. A strong personality, a sharp sense of style, a high work ethic, any of these can set the clique on edge simply because you are different.

The way you handle their rituals decides how you come out of the drama. Your response shapes whether you build solid, positive relationships or end up feeling trapped in a hostile environment. I have found the best counter is to stay professional and gracious no matter what is churning underneath. Kill them with kindness, and work at helping them relax and trust you.

Keep your personal life out of your professional one, and hold business relationships to what they are. Dating a coworker is a gamble unless you genuinely know what you are doing. While you build those healthier relationships, never let the clique watch you sweat. Carry strength, confidence, and compassion into every room.

Treat the hazing as a test of your character rather than a personal attack, even when they try to make it personal. Practice compassion, help them ease up, earn their trust, and keep performing at the top of your ability. In time you may notice that the same clique set up to haze you has turned into a circle of friends and colleagues.

Heather Browning, MBA, BA