Assessing People Who Are Truly Genuine

We talk a lot about who's "fake" and who's "real," but what actually separates a genuine person from everyone else? It's a question worth answering if you'd like those qualities to describe you. People who come across as genuine tend to do better at their jobs, in their studies, and in their friendships and relationships. Seven traits show up again and again in these folks, and the good news is that each one can be practiced and strengthened.

Start with the habit of saying what you think. A genuine person voices their thoughts and feelings almost without trying, because it's second nature to them. The tone matters, though. They share diplomatically, without lording their opinions over anyone who sees things differently. There's no campaign to prove they're right. What they're after is simpler: showing that another way of looking at the situation exists.

They also build their own route forward. Beyond stating what they want, they act on it. Living in someone else's shadow holds no appeal, because they have ambitions and they're busy chasing them. Expect clear goals and a plan, sometimes conventional, sometimes inventive. And they get there without trampling other people. Often, when things go well for them, they pull others up alongside.

Notice which expectations they actually answer to. Expectations come in two flavors. The external kind are what society and the people around you want from you, and those are seductive because pleasing others feels good. Genuine people don't bend to that pressure. They set their own standards and then put in the work to meet them. The goals belong to them, built for their own reasons rather than to win applause.

Admitting fault is another signpost. Everybody has flaws; that's just part of being a person. Owning them, or conceding that you got something wrong, is the hard part. Genuine people manage it without much fuss, and they understand that honesty here works in their favor. Copping to a mistake gives you something to learn from and correct, which tends to make you both more credible and more successful.

Failure doesn't rattle them either. Nobody enjoys falling short, yet it's unavoidable, since life refuses to run perfectly. These people work hard while fully accepting that failure is possible, and because it doesn't frighten them, they'll take smart risks that frequently pay off. When a plan does collapse, they treat it as material for learning, a way to avoid repeating the error. Some of the sharpest lessons, they'll tell you, arrive precisely through things going wrong.

They also steer clear of judging. Sizing up other people accomplishes nothing, and genuine people recognize that. They're occupied with their own improvement and their own shortcomings, which leaves little room to critique anyone else. On top of that, they understand that lifting others up is one of the better ways to improve yourself. People who help out and volunteer often end up more productive, healthier, more successful, and happier than those who keep to themselves.

Chances are you already carry most of these traits, maybe all of them. That still leaves room to deepen them and keep becoming more genuine. You're a work in progress no matter how far along you are, and even strong qualities can be refined. You'll know it's working when people seem drawn to you and want to stick around.

- Rosemary Kitchen. Reference: Haden, J. 6 Habits of Remarkably Likeable People. Retrieved on March 20, 2015.