How to Listen Better Around the People You Manage

Listening ranks among the most useful things an adult can do at work, and most of us are worse at it than we assume. It teaches you about the people around you, and it quietly builds trust with the employees you lead. What follows is a set of working habits you can lean on in almost any conversation.

Start with the obvious thing that somehow gets skipped: can you actually hear the person? It's startling how often two people talk past each other, and even more startling how rarely anyone notices they've lost the thread of what was said. Before anything else, confirm the sound is reaching you.

Aim to listen about three-quarters of the time and talk for the rest. The ratio bends with the situation, of course. Give a presentation and you'll naturally speak more. In an ordinary back-and-forth, though, hand the floor to the other person and let them fill most of it.

Your body says something before you do. Lean in a little, hold steady eye contact, and let your posture signal that you want to hear this. Just keep the gestures sensible for the other person's culture, since what reads as attentive in one setting can read as rude in another.

While someone is talking, resist the urge to rehearse your reply. Your mind runs roughly four times faster than a person can speak, which is exactly how you end up thinking ahead and missing half of what they said. Trust that the right response will show up once they've finished.

Notice how a person talks, not only what they say. Loud or soft, quick or slow? Does their body language match their words, or do the two pull apart? Some people announce their main point and then pile on the reasons. Others walk you through the details first and land on the point at the end.

Chase the main ideas rather than every stray fact. Seasoned managers develop an ear for the part that actually matters and let the rest wash by.

Let each major point land before you jump in. Save your response for the pause at the end. The one acceptable interruption is a tactful request for clarification, usually because you genuinely didn't catch something.

Check your understanding by reflecting it back. This habit does more than almost any other. After the person finishes, ask whether you can summarize what you heard. Later, you can flip it and ask them to tell you back what you just said to make sure it carried.

Keep sending small signals that you're still with them. A nod here, a short "yes" when you agree, nothing elaborate. These cues tell the speaker the line is still open.

Get good at the supporting question. Coaching is largely a matter of asking questions sharp enough to surface what both of you are assuming and concluding. You can't really understand another person without practicing the kind of questions that pull those assumptions into the open.

Ask people how your own communication comes across, because you are probably the last to know your own habits. Picture the manager who is sure he listens well and interrupts every third sentence, or the one who announces his conclusions but can't say how he reached them. Feedback is how those blind spots become visible.

Now the other side of the exchange. Are employees actually taking in what you say? Speech is usually the channel you reach for most, and like everything nonverbal, it sits inside a culture. How a group treats humor, conflict, silence, and plain direct language varies a great deal. With that in mind, a few guidelines that travel well across settings.

Know the point before you open your mouth. Some people talk on the theory that enough words will eventually hit the target. Spend a moment deciding what you actually need to land.

Take one idea at a time. Drop too many at once and the listener drowns; hand them a single point and they're far more willing to stay with you.

Slower beats faster, almost always. Try talking along with a news anchor sometime and you'll probably find you're well behind the pace you thought you kept. Those broadcasters were trained into a delivery that people can follow.

Pull your voice off of monotone. Flatness reads as dull or guarded. Varying your tone takes some deliberate practice, but the payoff is worth the work.

Lead with the conclusion, then explain it. More often than not, people track you better when they know where you're headed before you justify it.

Relax. People speak more clearly when they're at ease with whoever's across from them. If you're confused or uncomfortable, just say that out loud.

Ask the listener to repeat back the main thing you were after. It's the cleanest way to confirm your message actually arrived, and a little tact goes a long way when you ask.

And ask for feedback on how you speak. Other people's read on you is one of the fastest routes to improvement, so find out where you could get sharper. (Erin)