How to Walk Away and Be Okay

Are you happy with your job? The bigger question is whether you're happy with the career you picked. That choice behaves a lot like a long relationship. It shapes who you are and it asks for real commitment. By now you've probably sunk both money and years of yourself into it. And even when you can't stand the work, the usual wisdom says chasing some other dream isn't worth the gamble. Maybe. Maybe not.

Happiness doesn't look the same for everyone. Plenty of people dream of a life where work barely registers, where they get by on their own terms. Nothing wrong with that. Others want something tied to an occupation: running their own business, playing music for a living, leaving a mark on other people. That second group is where I landed.

For a long stretch I was sure that teaching in K-12 public schools was my path. Twelve years went into the training and the classroom, and then I left and never glanced back. Pregnancy and the option to stay home made the exit cleaner, I'll admit that, but the certainty arrived in a single moment. I knew I wasn't returning, and I knew I'd be fine.

It moved so fast I barely had room to process that I wouldn't be a teacher anymore. Part of me was annoyed. All that tuition, all those hours, poured into becoming something that didn't actually make me happy. The harder part was confessing that I didn't enjoy belonging to a system I believe in so strongly, which is public education. I went from 90 miles an hour to a dead stop over 29 brutal hours of labor, and the slowdown pushed me into a long season of figuring myself out.

Motherhood was my escape hatch, and I climbed through it. I wrapped up my graduate degree and started picturing a life past the classroom. At that slower pace I came to see that I'm a teacher no matter what any certificate says, and that I'll keep teaching and helping people for the rest of my life. I have professional goals. I have personal goals. For the first time, I can see they aren't two separate things.

I've also made peace with not doing one job for 30 years and then retiring. My direction might shift more than once, and that's allowed. Accepting all of this is how I found some calm and learned to welcome change instead of bracing against it.

Change Can Be Terrifying but So Can Unrealized Dreams

Feeling threatened by change is ordinary, and it hits hardest when you've handed so much of yourself over to the thing. Maybe you like your job but keep sensing you could be spending your talent on something better. Maybe your coworkers or your boss grind on you and a different location would help. Maybe you're ready to climb but there's no training or opening in front of you. Maybe you want to scrap everything and become someone new, and the fear is that it won't cover the bills or won't work out at all.

It's easy for me to tell you to relax. Things have gone my way so far, and not because I'm rolling in money or because I've finally decided what I want to be (I'm supposedly a grown-up, and I still couldn't tell you exactly what I'll do). It worked because I stayed honest with myself, made some preparations, and watched for doors that opened. I can't say it enough: the people who notice open doors and walk through them are the ones who get where they want to go. Patience, attention to opportunity, and the willingness to step through when the moment comes matter more than almost anything in growing into yourself.

How to Accept a Career Change

Shutting a door behind you counts for as much as opening the next one. Chances keep showing up for all of us, but we either miss them or we flinch. Being content where you are is a fine thing. The trouble is how often unhappy people stay anyway, because it's familiar and it's safe. Easiest route and least growth tend to be the same route. A life locked into dissatisfaction just caps what you're capable of.

First, take an honest look at the ceiling on your current spot. What's the best outcome if you stay? Which parts of your personal life are paying for this commitment? What's the worst that happens if you go? Sit with those answers and build a philosophy out of them. Whatever I take on, I think about dying. I won't throw away the time I have.

Second, find your passions. Weigh your talents against your dreams. They won't necessarily line up, but think hard about what you'd actually rather be doing. Naming a precise job is tough for some people, so you may only be able to point at a general direction. In my case, I know I want to help people and I like teenagers. That's wide, but it keeps a lot of options open.

Third, work out how to go after it. What training or certification does it take? Do you already hold a degree or credits that carry over? Could you do a certificate online, at night, on weekends? Are there employers who fit what you want? Start talking to people, or give some time as a volunteer. Build a money plan too. If a pay cut is coming, start saving and reworking the budget now. If you have a spouse or kids, their needs come first, but be ready to give some things up. Your dreams don't have to be on that list.

Fourth, understand that none of your time was wasted. Everything you've done so far is what put you here. Change one piece of the past and your whole life looks different. When you walk away from a career along with the money and the years you fed into it, recognize that it helped build who you are. Somewhere down the line, what you lived through and what you learned will carry you forward.

Fifth, do it. This is where it gets hard. Meeting with a college counselor or someone in a field you admire is simple enough. Getting the training, interviewing, and quitting the old job is not. Skip this last part and nothing moves. Your only project becomes trying to tolerate the job you already have. And keep looking for open doors. The flawless opportunity failing to appear doesn't mean the next step is out of reach.

- Melissa Lavery, M.S.

Reference: Scott, C. (2011, December 11). How To Leave An Unsatisfying Job And Pursue Your Dream Career. Forbes.