How to Prepare Your Toddler for a New Baby

If there's a toddler already padding around the house and another baby on the way, odds are good you've spent a few late nights wondering how the little one will handle the change. Maybe you're also turning over the logistics in your head: another small person to care for, plus the routine your toddler already depends on. Go easy on yourself. By the second child, you've done this before, and that experience counts for a lot. Still, a handful of things are worth sorting out before the baby shows up.

Hold off on telling your toddler too soon. At this age memory is short, so earlier announcements tend to lose their effect. Your toddler will start picking up on the signs regardless. You'll be more tired than usual, and dad may quietly be covering chores that mom normally handles. At some point your growing belly becomes impossible to miss, and that's often the natural moment to say something. Better the news comes from mom or dad than from a relative or a friend who lets it slip. Tell her there's a baby inside your tummy and let her rest a gentle hand on it. Keep the explanation simple; a toddler only grasps a fraction of what's coming. Picture books showing pregnant women and babies can fill in a little of the rest.

Soak up the stretch of time you still have with just your toddler, because things shift once the baby lands and stay shifted for a while. Build in visits with grandparents, aunts, uncles, or the close friends who'll be lending a hand after the birth.

Settle the childcare plan ahead of time. If a babysitter is part of it, have her begin a month or so before your due date so your toddler can warm up to her first.

Playschool is another option worth considering. It gives your child a chance to meet other kids, pick up new things, and practice being away from you for a stretch. Start that kind of transition a few months out, and check that she's genuinely comfortable there before the baby arrives.

Pull out the photo albums and show her pictures from when she was tiny. The concept of a new baby is slippery for a toddler, but kids light up at stories about their own babyhood. Walk her through how the baby will start out very small and slowly grow into doing more.

Resist the urge to promise she'll have a playmate. For the first year at least, that won't be true. Tell her she can play with the baby and she'll end up let down once she figures out that babies mostly sleep and cry.

If a friend or family member recently had a baby, spend a little time with them so your toddler sees what a newborn is actually like. Hand her a doll, too, and show her how to hold it, feed it, and settle it down to sleep.

Get her used to playing on her own in her room for short spells. That habit pays off on the days you're tied up with the baby and can't drop everything to play.

Whatever else you're working on with her, potty training, starting school, moving to a big-kid bed or a new room, getting comfortable with whoever will watch her after the birth, tackle it several months early. All of it takes time, and plenty of patience.

Around the birth itself, let family and friends know how much you want your toddler to hear and from whom. If you're set on being the one to tell her about a new brother or sister, make sure nobody beats you to it. People make a lot of that first meeting, reading the whole future of the sibling bond into it, though most agree it has little real bearing on the long run. When your toddler comes in, have the baby lying down so your arms are free to hold her. She hasn't seen you in a day or two, so give her your full attention first, then go look at the baby together.

A couple of days apart can leave a small child weepy or clingy, so expect some of that. If she can spend that time with her dad, it's a good window for the two of them to grow closer. And on the day you bring the baby home, try to have a little present ready for her. Tell her it's from the new baby.

-Erin