How to Manage Your Anger

Anger has a way of keeping you in a state where control slips away. Getting angry is simple. Someone cuts you off, something goes wrong, and the feeling arrives on its own. Holding it back is the harder part. And the feeling does two distinct kinds of damage, depending on how long you let it stay.

The first kind is that anger starts running your life. When you give in to it, hatred and a steady stream of negative feeling take the wheel. That hold loosens only when you build the skill of controlling it, and the controlling comes down to a handful of smaller habits.

Aim your mind at calmer thoughts. Everyone gets angry; moods shift from one minute to the next. The problem starts when you let the swing go unchecked. Picture a better time instead of chewing on the bad one. Steady, peaceful thoughts are what keep the anger in a corner where it can't spread.

Let the small stuff slide. A minor disagreement is not worth flying off the handle over. React to every little thing and you've handed anger your behavior. Pass over the trivial and you've set it on a back burner where it stays quiet.

Watch your words when you're hot. The old line claims words can never hurt, which isn't true. Words stick to people and last. Say nothing in haste and you cut off one of the main ways anger climbs.

Pause and read the situation before you respond. Is the anger actually worth what it costs you? While you're in it, your life is out of your hands. A single step back, a quick look at what's really happening, saves a surprising amount of grief.

Remember that other people get caught in it. Your temper isn't contained to you. When it goes off, the fallout reaches whoever is nearby. Keep that spillover in mind and staying cool gets a little easier.

Say it out loud to someone. Most of us would rather not talk about what we're feeling, but anger is turmoil churning inside that has to come out somewhere. Open up and the people around you can offer a suggestion, a bit of understanding, something to work with.

Learn to take charge of the feeling itself, which is a bit like trying to grab hold of a wasp. Feelings can swamp your thinking and then the anger erupts. Counting to ten, stepping out for a walk: small levers like these keep the feeling where you put it.

The second kind of damage is to your body. A lost temper floods your system with stress, and stress drags your immune defenses down, scrambles your emotions, and quietly corrodes your days. Left unmanaged, this one can genuinely kill you.

So push the anger out to the curb. It's dangerous for everybody in range, and ignoring that doesn't make it less true. Slow breathing helps. So do yoga, a long walk, time spent writing in a journal.

Ignore it when you can. That isn't always possible, but your health depends on not feeding it. Anger weighs on the body and tangles up everything it touches. Keep your attention on something else and it has nowhere to land. A busy mind, short on idle hours, gives anger no window to climb through.

Let it go, too, which is easier said than done once it has a grip. Hang onto it and it only grows heavier and harder to carry. Think of a blister: pick at it constantly and it festers, leave it and it closes over. Anger works the same way. Release it and the thing underneath starts to heal.

And when someone is deliberately needling you, leave it be. Some people enjoy getting a rise out of others. Walking away from that is not easy, but it's the right move. Let them reach you and you're the one who pays, in health and in the worry that piles up afterward. Set the anger down somewhere and keep going.

None of this comes quickly. It takes practice, and it asks you to actually change how you handle yourself, turning the anger into something closer to love.