How to Control Anger

Anger by itself isn't a flaw. In plenty of situations it's a normal, even healthy reaction, and that kind of brief, situational anger passes quickly once the moment does. The feeling isn't where trouble starts. Trouble starts with what you do while you're feeling it, and whether your behavior turns destructive. For some people the anger doesn't fade. It lingers, or it erupts, and that chronic or explosive kind seeps into physical health, emotional health, relationships, work. At that point it can point to something deeper, whether a problem managing anger specifically or another mental health condition underneath.

When short term anger hits, the fastest move is distance. The second you notice you're heating up, step away. Walk to another room, go somewhere quiet, pour yourself a glass of water. At work that might mean the break room, the bathroom, or a minute outside the building. At home it might be a different room, a walk around the block, or a drive. Whatever breaks your contact with the person or situation frustrating you gives the feeling room to settle.

Your breathing is a lever you can pull on purpose. Slow, deep breaths bring down a racing heart and a hammering pulse. Breathe in through your nose, let it out through your mouth, and keep doing it until the body follows. Pairing that with imagery helps: close your eyes and put yourself somewhere calm, a place you associate with peace. It's genuinely difficult to stay furious while you're picturing something that makes you happy.

Other people can defuse the feeling too. Talking it through with someone you trust lets you process what happened and often takes the heat out of it on its own. Say what you actually want before you start, though. If you only need to be heard, tell them you're not after advice, just sympathy. If you want a fix, say that instead. Give yourself a deadline on the venting, too, a set number of minutes to get it out, and when the time's up, the rant ends. That stops you circling the same grievance for hours.

A couple of smaller tools belong in this category. Positive self-talk steadies your confidence and gets your head into a better place before you try to raise whatever's bothering you. And humor does real work for the mind and body. Laughing at a situation swaps out the negative thought for something lighter, which is most of the battle.

Long term anger needs a different approach because you're managing a pattern, not a single flare. Exercise is one of the most reliable: moving your body releases neurotransmitters that lift your mood, and a game of basketball, baseball, football, or soccer does the job as well as anything. Changing how you think matters just as much. When you can look at the same situation from another angle, or replace the hostile thought with a more constructive one, the anger has less to feed on.

Writing helps when talking doesn't. A journal lets you empty the negative feelings onto the page, so keep it somewhere private, a locked drawer or a secured site online, so you can be completely open in it. Let the thoughts run without editing them. And if none of this is getting you anywhere, see a professional. A therapist can help you spot your triggers and work out healthier ways to express what you're feeling, and a psychiatrist can prescribe medication to stabilize mood when that's what the situation calls for.

WikiHow collects a handful of tactics worth trying. When someone's laying into you, picture the words washing over you, then look at them blankly and say "so," or smile, tell them "you're absolutely right," and walk off. Watch your mouth in the heat of it, because what you say angry rarely matches what you'd say once you've cooled down and thought it over. Put on music that quiets your mind. If you boil over fast and can't rein it in, find a spot away from everyone and scream into a pillow or a blanket to muffle it (yell outright if nobody's around); it bleeds off the pressure.

Some anger is justified and does need an outlet, but there are productive ways to let it out that don't involve unloading on someone else. Before you aim your fury at a person, ask whether they've actually earned it or whether you're just using them to discharge frustration about something, or someone, else entirely. Pour the energy into a creative outlet instead, writing, drawing, any hobby that lifts your mood and gives the charge somewhere to go. Picture what you could build with all the energy that currently goes into being angry. Think about the stress you're loading onto yourself and whether you enjoy feeling that way; if you don't, change it. Meditation is a steady way to drain off the stress and anxiety that tend to come right before the anger does.

Source: Kim B. How to Control Anger. (n.d.). Retrieved January 19, 2015, from http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Anger