Five Habits of Happy People

Start by listening well. When someone is talking to you, give them your full attention. Put the phone away, set the handheld down, and actually take in what they're saying. Think about how rare that is now. Hardly anyone has a single person in their life who will simply listen without steering the conversation back to themselves. Become that person and you'll find people gravitating toward you, new friendships forming without much effort on your part. We tend to worry about having the right thing to say. The real skill is knowing how to hear.

Lean positive. When a negative remark comes up, look for a way to turn it around or reach for something constructive instead. And when a negative thought is gnawing at you, pause for a moment and let it go rather than carrying it around.

Go back to your wins. Everyone has had a moment of glory, some stretch of time when things clicked and you felt proud. Return to those memories and sit with them. Make the recollection as full as you can: sharpen the images, brighten the colors, play it back like a movie, add a soundtrack to go with it. Pay attention to any smell or taste that was part of the scene. The more of your senses you fold in, the more that memory can give back to you.

Pick a role model, someone who strikes you as having it figured out. Watch what they actually do. Notice how they speak, how they treat the people around them, even the feeling you get when you're near them. Then borrow it. Ask yourself how that person would handle the situation in front of you, and try doing it their way.

Find something that matters to you. If there's a passion pulling at you, go after it. A lot of the happiest people in the world got there by chasing a dream instead of shelving it. The place to begin is one goal, taken up now rather than later. It may feel clumsy or hard at the start. Keep at it and the skill comes, and with it a steadier sense of being happy in your own life. Kathy Welter can be reached by email or at 604-421-1722.