Deepen Your Spiritual Connection as a Couple

A relationship never stays still. It shifts and grows, and when it does, both people have to grow with it. Among the quieter, more private threads running between two partners is the spirituality they hold. You will each feel it in your own way, and that difference is fine. Agreement on every point isn't the goal, since spirituality tends to be a deeply personal thing. What you can do is work on it side by side, sharing what you each experience and letting that pull the two of you closer.

Hold your partner to the same standard you hold yourself. Nothing more. When the expectations run both ways equally, you end up seeing each other as peers rather than one person reaching for a version of the other that doesn't exist. Everyone carries flaws. Rather than treating those as a problem to fix, you can give them room, even welcome them. That goes for your own flaws too, so they stop getting in the way of a closer bond.

Many people sense that something larger than themselves is at work. You don't have to name it a particular God, and you certainly don't have to sign on to a religion if neither of you leans that way. Spirituality and religion are separate things; having one doesn't require the other. Whether what you look toward is the physics of the universe or a faith tradition, the act of looking past yourselves opens a door to a deeper place in the relationship, and your spiritual growth can begin there.

Meditating together is one of the simpler ways to build both your spirituality and your bond. It needn't eat up your day. Ten or fifteen minutes is plenty. You're clearing out the noise and settling into the present moment, letting the mind drift so you can notice what's actually sitting in your subconscious. Afterward, give each other a few minutes to talk through what came up. Hearing what surfaced for your partner tells you something you wouldn't otherwise have known.

Set down whatever came before. This is about who you are now and the person you're walking alongside now. Both of you should clear out the residue of past relationships, because the one that counts is the one you're in. The present is where your energy belongs, and a spiritual path like this asks for real time and attention from both of you. What happened already happened. There's nothing to do with it except accept it and turn toward whatever comes next.

Move your bodies together, and do it often. Some of the strongest connections form when two people are physically active side by side. Walk. Play a sport. Pick anything that gets the heart going, as long as it's something you can do at the same time, in each other's company. The point is the shared doing.

Expect things to change as your spirituality deepens, and don't let that scare you off. The changes tend to be good ones. Lean into them. Whatever shape they take, they're there to make you more spiritual, both as a person and as a partner. Working on your spirituality can bring a relationship to a deeper, more intimate place. Stay open with each other about where you each stand, and tend to it both together and on your own, so each of you reaches a level that feels right. How you go about it is something you settle on as a couple, and in the settling you come to understand each other, and each other's beliefs, a good deal better.