Turn "I Can't Do This" Into "Yes, I Can"

Think about how often you tell yourself you don't want to do something. Then think about the things you skipped and later wished you hadn't. Maybe you want to take more chances, or simply go after a few things you keep putting off. If any of that sounds familiar, there's a swap worth making: trade "I don't want to" for "I can do this." You don't have to be the obstacle standing in your own way.

For years I did exactly that. Getting up early, working through problems in my relationships (some of which I still wrestle with), a handful of other things. I had a ready answer for all of them, and the answer was that I didn't want to. All it ever did was keep me stuck and keep me from feeling better about my own life.

Once I figured out I could rework what I was thinking and change it to "I can do this," the whole thing shifted. I got more done. I started feeling genuinely proud of myself, and my self-esteem climbed because of it. If that's something you want too, these are the ideas that helped me the most.

You can be the person who motivates you. That part matters, because when you repeat that you don't want to do things, you never hand yourself a real shot at succeeding, and you close off any chance to grow. Try the opposite for a while. Tell yourself you can, and watch what happens over the following days.

First, catch yourself in the act of saying "I don't want to." Noticing the sentence is what lets you rewrite it. Change the thought, and your actions tend to follow. For a long time I told myself I didn't want to make friends, since the ones I'd had tended to hurt me. Later I switched to telling myself I could find friends who would respect me, and that alone changed how I walked up to people. I'm not surrounded by friends now, but I have two or three I'm genuinely close with.

Second, write down some small goals. If you're anything like the person I used to be, you've been quietly stopping yourself from good things. My list had items like getting up at 8:00 a.m., eating breakfast, and exercising daily. Every one of them was something I'd dodged with an excuse. Turns out they help me in ways I couldn't see while I was avoiding them.

I used to be scared I wouldn't stick with an exercise routine. With the confidence I've built, I've run the same program for two months. The mornings were the same story: I kept insisting I wasn't a morning person, when really I'd just talked myself into feeling tired. Three weeks straight now, up at 8:00 a.m.

Mistakes are part of it, and everyone makes them. You can change the way your mind works and build a better life out of it. Drop "I don't want to." Start saying "I can do this," starting today. -Cara