Casual Sex: Really a Cause of Depression in Women?

Depression shows up alongside a lot of different behaviors, and researchers are right to study those connections. Sometimes, though, the connections get stretched past what the evidence can hold. I usually answer articles that pair a specific behavior with depression by walking through a case study. Not this time. For the first time in my career I have to say plainly that treating casual sex as a cause of depression strikes me as a reach, and the people on the receiving end of that assumption are single adults, women in particular, who are simply having sex and getting labeled as unwell for it.

The piece that prompted this, titled "Casual Sex: A Link to Depression?" (2015), floats the idea that single people who have casual sex are more vulnerable to short-term depression, with women singled out. To its credit, the same article admits the research is thin, and that the handful of studies available never pin down a clear line between casual sex and depression in women. So the honest version of the claim is closer to a guess than a finding.

Put the question to yourself directly: is there a real link, and if there is, why would women feel worse afterward than men? There is an answer, but it comes loaded. Part of it is that women, generally speaking, carry more emotional weight into sex. The other part is historical, and psychologists would do well to study how sex has been treated in the West before drawing conclusions.

These days it raises no eyebrows for a woman to have had several partners or to have sex before marriage. Before the 1970s the script was different. Women were taught to wait until marriage, and sex was framed as a means of having children, full stop. Then women moved into the workforce in larger numbers and started to regard themselves as the equals of the men around them. The meaning of sex shifted with that. It stopped being mainly a tool for procreation. A single woman past twenty was no longer written off as an "old maid." From the early 1990s onward, the single woman's sex life has been celebrated at least as loudly as married sex. Marriage rates have fallen sharply over the last three decades, and many people now put off having children by ten years or so because careers come first.

None of that means I throw out the idea that some depressed women use sex to cope. Promiscuity can be tied to depression, no question. A woman cycling through partners might be carrying childhood sexual abuse, or the absence of a father, or any of a dozen other things. And context matters enormously. Some cultures accept women having many partners; others punish it severely. Consider Arab countries, where virginity at marriage is still an expectation for women. That expectation does not travel to the United States. Which points to the question researchers should actually be chasing: why are more women choosing casual sex now?

No commitment. I said no commitment on purpose, not fear of it. A woman pouring herself into her career has no room for a relationship, yet the sexual needs do not vanish. Casual sex becomes a way to meet those needs without the relationship overhead. My one piece of advice is to pick a single partner who is discreet and wants the same arrangement you do.

Marriage is not the goal. It isn't for everybody. A woman who recognizes marriage isn't for her is probably wiser than one who marries and ends up miserable because of it. Opting out of marriage doesn't mean taking vows of celibacy unless you want to. Use protection, and again, keep it quiet.

Worn down by men. Jaded, yes. Ask yourself why so many single women are having casual sex, and bad relationships land near the top of the list. Plenty of women have come out of ugly relationships and want to know someone slowly before committing to anyone. I'm talking about women who have already healed from the last one and are dating actively while keeping something casual on the side. If that's you, learn to keep sex and dating in separate boxes. Learn when it's safe to drop your guard. And remember that men aren't interchangeable, so you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find one worth keeping. Anyone wanting a longer illustration can watch a few episodes of Sex and the City.

Depression is a serious illness, and it can push people toward bad decisions, casual sex among them. But stamping every single woman who has casual sex as depressed is unfair and wrong. Women aren't barefoot in the kitchen anymore. If you are depressed, don't reach for sex as the fix. Get professional help.

- Heather Browning, MBA