Hans Christian King (Interview Archive)
Think about the messages we grow up inside. Certain religions hand us the idea that we arrive already stained, born in sin. Magazines and television pile on from there, pushing the quiet suggestion that we fall short, that someone out there is prettier or more deserving. Watch what happens when you step off a plane and pass the airport shop. The covers are wall to wall with beautiful women and good looking men, each one a small reminder that we aren't quite measuring up to whoever that is.
I host a radio show every Saturday, one o'clock Eastern, ten Pacific. At the close of each one, Spirit leaves everybody with a single line: remember, dear friends, that God loves no one on this earth more than you. I repeated that once to a room of roughly 1,400 people, and there were tears, Erik, actual tears, because almost nobody has ever let themselves believe it. So I asked them a question. What sort of God would you be kneeling down to pray to if that God loved somebody else more than you? I'd let a God like that go without a second thought. A God like that isn't working on your behalf.
Erik: That's wonderful. So when we fold this spiritual dimension into a relationship, this sense that another mind, another presence, truly sees us, what does it actually feel like to be inside a soul mate relationship? What might a person notice happening in their feelings, their thoughts?
Hans: It doesn't resemble an ordinary relationship at all. The first thing is relief, and it comes from being recognized. There's a quiet thought that lands: finally, someone sees me, someone understands who I really am. The feeling is hard to describe, it's that good. Safety comes with it. No judgment waiting in the corner. They love me as I stand right now. I don't have to reach for the makeup or spend months building up my muscles, because the person I already am turns out to be enough for somebody else.
But none of that is available to you until you've handled something earlier. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. You can't reach a soul mate while you're still a stranger to who you are. Love has to start at home first, otherwise you walk into that connection with empty hands and nothing to offer. It's a hard thing for people to sit with.
Erik: That's great. And if we have the time, I'd like to follow that thread, what it actually means, and how a person moves from believing they showed up broken and sinful to a place where they can love themselves.