3 Ways To Find The Perfect Guy

Long before any real man shows up, plenty of girls have already built him in their heads. His face, his kindness, the wedding, the names their kids will have someday. By the time he is supposed to arrive, the feelings are already there, aimed at nobody in particular. So the question becomes: where is he? Often the answer is that we grab the first guy who comes along and pour all of that waiting onto him.

We talk ourselves into believing he is the one. We hope, we wish, we decide this must be him, right up until he does something awful enough that the fantasy can't survive it. Then comes the breakup, the crying, and the search starts again. Here's something odd about those tears, though. We rarely cry because we lost that particular person. Half the time we barely knew him. We cry because we were certain the long-awaited day had finally come and then learned we had the wrong man. The real question is how to quit making that same mistake.

1. Improve self-esteem

You might wonder what self-esteem has to do with finding someone. Women love easily; it is wired into us, and there is nothing wrong with that. It can be a beautiful thing. The trouble starts when we hand that love to the wrong people. The fix is to point some of it inward first, to genuinely want a good life for ourselves. That can be strangely hard after years of putting our own needs last.

This is not about becoming self-absorbed. It's about using the same caretaking instinct we give everyone else on ourselves for once. That kind of inner work matters for any relationship that is going to last. When you actually like your own company and feel fine spending time alone, the panic to pair up fades. Companionship is a natural craving, but low self-worth turns it into something we try to fix fast, with whoever is nearby. Desperate enough, we'll label a near-stranger our dream man and skip the part where we get to know him. That shortcut is where the heartbreak lives. Build the self-esteem first, and suddenly there is no rush. You can take your time with the men you meet, and when you do move forward, it's a considered choice rather than a leap.

2. Become 'Dream Girl'!

If you want to marry the dream guy, there's a decent chance you have to grow into the dream girl yourself. We tend to focus on what a relationship will hand us instead of what we'll bring to it, and that habit can wreck things before the man even arrives. Yes, being adored around the clock sounds perfect, and it is possible. But it costs him real effort, and that street runs both ways. Wanting constant attention means being ready to pay constant attention back.

What lands for men is often nothing like what lands for us. Flowers and compliments about how gorgeous he looks probably won't do much. Figuring out what actually makes the other sex feel loved, respected and valued takes time, energy, and some honest growth on your part. Stepping back from dating to do that work can feel like the wrong direction. It isn't. It's money in the bank for later. Becoming the dream girl is what draws the dream guy in and keeps the thing alive once he's there.

3. Focus on understanding

Sometimes the picture of the perfect man gets so sharp that it becomes a measuring stick, and every real person gets held up against it. Standards are fine. The problem is when the ideal blocks you from seeing a man as a whole, three-dimensional person. There's a pull to see him only as what he is to you, rather than what he simply is.

Men carry insecurities, moods and private struggles, same as anyone. Pile too much weight on romance and you stop noticing the actual person sitting across from you, which, oddly enough, is the fastest way to kill the romance. Whatever the movies say, men want to be understood in a relationship just as much as we do. Spend the time learning a man's fears, his hopes, the things he wants, and you've got a foundation that can hold up for a long time.

- Iman Mohiki