10 Things to Tell Your Boyfriend or Husband

Most relationships, even the good ones, hit stretches where the warmth between two people feels a little thinner than usual. A few sentences, said at the right moment, can close that gap. Here are ten you can offer the man in your life to reach him where it matters.

First one: tell him you liked the way he did something specific. Compliments about what a man does land differently for him than they do for most of us. They feed a sense of accomplishment and lift his self-worth more sharply than praise tends to lift a woman's. When he hears that the woman he loves noticed his effort, it registers. Pick a moment that genuinely moved you, whether he stood by you during a rough week or planned something romantic, and name it. That kind of praise makes the behavior more likely to repeat. One thing to avoid completely: never tack on 'why can't you always be like this?' Men take our criticism harder than we tend to assume.

Second one is the same sentence as the first, with a twist. Say it again, but say it where others can hear, especially other men. The payoff from the private version multiplies when there's an audience.

Third: tell him you're proud of him, and say why. Men like inspiring pride in a partner. Even when a man brags and some part of you wants to deflate him, the better move is usually to build him up anyway. Bragging rarely comes from someone who feels too good about himself. More often it covers insecurity. A sincere compliment can steady him, and over time it may quiet the bragging rather than feed it.

Fourth: say you trust him, and then let your behavior say it too. We often believe we trust our partners while our actions suggest otherwise. Nagging him to finish a project around the house, growing suspicious when he goes out, elbowing in while he's trying to fix something: these feel small or even helpful to us, but he reads them as a verdict on his competence. That stings a man, and it slowly corrodes the relationship.

Fifth: tell him you respect him, and show it by actually listening and weighing his suggestions. Strangely, we tend to get more defensive with a partner than we ever would with a friend. Slow down and hear him out, and he feels respected. For a man that matters enormously. One study found men would rather be respected than loved.

Sixth: ask him to help you with something. Not a pile of laundry dumped in his lap, but a request that draws on a skill or strength he has. Being asked makes a man feel needed, and most men enjoy being called on for what they know how to do. Thank him when it's done and you'll leave him feeling good.

Seventh: tell him that out of every man in the world, you'd still choose him. Men live with a running sense of competition and a fear of coming up short next to each other. For a lot of men, life feels like a long contest where they keep having to prove their worth, to the world, to other men, to you, and to themselves. Reassuring him that in your eyes he's the one gives him a rest from all that.

Eighth: thank him for what he does for you. Letting a partner know he's actually succeeding at making you happy leaves him satisfied. Hard as it may be to believe, pleasing the woman in his life sits near the top of most men's priorities. He isn't always sure how to pull it off, and it isn't always an easy target to hit, so telling him he's getting it right steadies him.

Ninth: tell him you love having sex with him. Women often miss what sex means to a man emotionally. It isn't only appetite. Sex makes a man feel accepted and safe. After a day spent feeling like he has to fight for his footing, he wants to come home to a place where he can let his guard down. Sex tells him that whatever the world makes of him, you take him as he is. That feeds his confidence and his drive to do better. For many men, it's a central form of emotional support, and understanding that is part of what makes you a better partner.

Tenth: tell him he's your hero. Somewhere inside most grown men there's still a boy who wanted to be a superhero. They don't fly, but they carry plenty for us. Let him know he's your superhero. It won't swell his head. It will push him to keep becoming a better man.

When a relationship is in a hard place, these lines don't roll off the tongue. You may feel he's let you down or hurt you too deeply to say any of it. If that's where you are, there's a decision in front of you. Staying somewhere you both keep tearing each other down isn't an option that holds. You either end it or you start rebuilding it. These ten sentences make good first bricks, even for a relationship that looks past saving, because they speak straight to a man's heart. - Iman Mohiki

Related